Life these days consists of an endless onslaught of dejávù. 

Neon lights, anxiety, nausea, night terrors

Hook, line and sinker for the same old story

We all know the ending and yet.

Sipping on another cup of Americano

Skipped the sugar this time

He tells me some ridiculous first-date story in hopes of eliciting a laugh or two

I fake a smile for his sake again

My stomach turns at the doe-eyed look they exchange

The vacancy in my expression doesn't give me away I hope

They're dancing to some slow song which I tune out 

I am already counting backwards from 100 in my head

Shut out the noise, cancel the taciturn rhythm of my tell-tale heart as it prepares for another meltdown

Not now, he glares at me from behind his glasses

I breathe in through my mouth

The staleness of cigarettes and something stronger fills the air

Missing you is a habit I try to quell

But missing my old self is an unfortunate side-effect 

The pills will hit soon I hope as I slowly close my eyes refusing to be a witness to this pity party thrown in honour of my departing sanity.

#reverie 

 Dec 26, 2022

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