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Looking back at 2016 me

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2016 me probably deserved so much more love than she let on Love that could encompass her, hold her tightly and heal all those jagged corners sticking out in sharp edges as defensive barbs She was self conscious and so ruthlessly bothered about her appearance She disliked her body, her skin, her hair, her complexion She envied others for those same things that she covetted She hated how she looked Craved affection and attention from all the wrong kinds of people Was jealous of the people she probably should have befriended and taken inspiration from She was so unhappy about herself that envy became second nature to her She was unknowingly unkind and mean and such a big pick-me However, she was so energetic She loved poetry and art and photography She tried so hard at everything And felt so much I wish she could know that she was soon going to be loved and understood and cared for despite everything, inspite of it all, and all that love would be overlooked by her 'cause love doesn...
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Now it is done  Dusted even All the things I did not mean I was too self absorbed and selfish Ego and pride No mind of my own, so easily influenced I was fearful and running at full throttle Shutting down the neuron pathways Leading me to facts and truths Truth can be a bitter pill but it can also be multifaced The hurt was real, yes, but on both ends I am so sorry, I cannot  I was so wrong and so shallow Unfeeling even and so brutal Cruel, guarded and didn't have the balls to be vulnerable - not in the true sense To actually be honest or even have the strength to face down my fears and stand for my dreams or for anything really It is so easy to blame others without ever looking inwards I am so sorry for having inflicted so much pain For never having the guts to ever communicate or to actually put in some real effort Always leaving, always running away Always distracting myself Always shutting down, tuning out When will I live When will I have courage When will I be alive All ...
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Oh to write someday not for the shock value but for instilling a sense of comfort Words of soft empathy rubbed slowly into your being Washing away all your salted wounds Caressing, soothing, a touch of home Of woollen mittens, warm shawls and soft rugs Keeping your eternal winter at bay I am here, for better or for worse Forever is a threatening foreboding None of that No time shall measure our love It will be soft like friendship nay kinship And warm like your sister's hug My writing will bring you comfort That is my utmost yearning Not desire, such a dire word that. Yearning - soft, hidden but ever present Words - lulling you to a happy coccoon Of belonging, contentment and unbridled joy. Someday. #reverie
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