Reverie

It takes time. All we have is time now with us. 

Could be a lie. Or not. Yearnings and heartbreaks. Beloved or just unloved. Transactional, cold, contractual. Sorrow brims over as the hollowness of it all surfaces again. Too many curtains. Too many words. Never enough time, never the right words. Doubts and questions. So many questions. Too early to voice, too late to withdraw. Catch and burn. Whom to believe? Faith, innocence or naivety? Crafty letters, masks and balls. They made a liar out of us too. #reverie

There has to be more. There has to be more to us than this feeling. Of despair and dread. If only I didn't feel this need to beg. Moving out of the rooms not meant for me and shutting and locking the doors for good. Not looking back. My sanity shouldn't be a switch in their hands. It hurts in so many places. Places I've forgotten names of. Places where I couldn't even bleed if they held a knife at. Unraveling the threads, bare bodied and glorious. Poetry, words and honey dripping from her tongue. Caged birds forgotten to fly. Never knew the taste of freedom. Haunted and wanted. I just wanted to be held. In prayers and sins, engraved on your heart. Too many questions? I only wanted to know. The weight pulls me under. The waves rush over. Drowning, mourning, celestial love. If not this, then what else? If not us, then nobody ever. Promise? No. Swear on the wind beneath his wings. I choose you. Over and over again.  #reverie

 

"If the sun don't shine on me today And if the subways flood and bridges break Will you lay yourself down and dig your grave Or will you rail against the dying day?" When I stand on the precipice of nothing and everything, the scream inside doesn't often translate to anything on the surface. I miss you, but I miss my innocence more. The naive, easy-going believer of lies. Always looking at the silver lining. Where did she go? She breathed her last that fateful night when the world tore her wings from her body while she bore it all in silent agony. Pleas were shed in bloody tears. Deceitful world, burn my city to charrs.  I swear it gets better, they said. Words. More lies. But what if this time we choose differently? What if we make sure to write our story the way we want it to pan out? Hearts, flowers, guns, glory, music, poetry et-al? We make it better. For your sake and mine.  Thoughts? #reverie

"You leapt from crumbling bridges Watching cityscapes turn to dust Filming helicopters crashing In the ocean from way above Got the music in you, baby Tell me why Got the music in you, baby Tell me why You've been locked in here forever And you just can't say goodbye Kisses on the foreheads of the lovers Wrapped in your arms You've been hiding them in hollowed out pianos Left in the dark Got the music in you, baby Tell me why Got the music in you, baby Tell me why You've been locked in here forever And you just can't say goodbye Your lips, my lips Apocalypse Your lips, my lips Apocalypse Go and sneak us through the rivers Flood is rising up on your knees Oh, please Come out and haunt me I know you want me Come out and haunt me Sharing all your secrets with each other Since you were kids Sleeping soundly with the locket that she gave you Clutched in your fist Got the music in you, baby Tell me why Got the music in you, baby Tell me why You've been locked in

Someday perhaps I'll learn my limitations. Curb my enthusiasm. Respect boundaries. These regrets that keep on piling have no end. All the sorrow I have accumulated with no place to go holds me down and some nights the floodgates open leaving me inundated.  How we miscalculate, and aim for things not meant for us. They lie when they tell you to aim for the moon. Calculate the risks and don't go overboard especially in matters of the heart.  Someday we'll learn dissociation. Never overestimate. The ground is too far away and it hurts to go crashing down.  Do not engage. Do NOT engage.